sometimes when i look back at my posts.. i realise that it seem very restricted. my words are restricted, my thoughts are censored. and perhaps it was all just surface grazing. or was it? perhaps i could have had expressed myself better. or maybe i chose not to..
i guess the older we are.. the more we would choose to keep things to ourselves. and our lives are no longer an open book.
but then again i think that, if i could have the liberty of writing whatever i want here.. it would certainly piss many people off. namely females i would say?... but that's just an obvious example that i could think of, at the moment. i do have the privilege of knowing some really smart and independent young women, with really good head on their shoulders. but what im saying are.. just ignorant people in general, or perhaps people with a fragile high self- esteem. esteem so high, but yet so easily shaken. tho i absolutely dont despise my own kind.. but as i dont really see certain stereotypical females as my own kind.. so it's safe to say that there are no contradictions to my above statement.
speaking of which, i've had this funny encounter with a young girl. an acquaintance. we were at a bar. we were talkin, and the topic goes (which i wouldnt wanna delve further on it as i dont wanna offend anybody who happens to be here on my blog, who happens to know what happened), i was complementing her bout her personality.. well honestly, just for fcuk's sake, not that i really knew what her personality is, in just a short 5 min convo. she seem quite uncomfortable and out of place, and was kinda trying to hide it by acting "cool and friendly", so i was sorta kinda tryin to make her feel more at ease, was with there with this guy she was dating, which happens to be the only person she knew there. and funnily, after a few drinks, she turned to me and said.. oh krystal, seriously what do you mean by 'that'? me: "huh.. sorry what?". her: are you saying im not good enough for him? are you saying im not pretty enough?? which i realised.. she was referring to the convo that took place 45 mins ago. and i had to explain to her that 'oh noo.. i didnt meant it that way at all...' and it made me felt bad for how she felt, tho i couldn't understand why.
but then i said in a very as a matter of fact manner "well the thing is, i never thought about it that way until you yourself pointed it out, its actually obvious now that people had made comments about you in the past and you, yourself felt that ur not good enough too, as i've never even said anything similar to what you think i meant". needless to say, she opposed my statement and was very adamant about it.
honestly, there is no need for such mental upset babe.
another funny encounter, which happened more recently, was in Miss Selfridge shopping and trying on clothes. there was quite a queue as it was the anniversary of DNP clothing. so everything was 20% *yay*. so anyway, as i went in, tried on my clothes and got out, talked to one of the staff to inquire about new pieces. yea thats just me, i always ask for new pieces, unless if there are none, then i'll decide if i really like the designs, so much that i would be more than happy to just settle for the piece that i tried on, then i wouldn't mind.
so back to the story.. there was this girl in the front line, she was clearly very tall and 'big -sized', note: fat, with falsies, high heels and all.waiting to get into the fitting room that i had gotten out, she was huffing and puffing on impatience, eyeing me from head to toe and crossing her arms, clearly making it known to me that she was done waiting. miss princess couldn't wait to slam the door hard, as soon as she went in.
well i had to say, all she did was to wait for a mere1 min for me to be done. i was thinking, 'okay, chill.. "fei mui", no need to show me ur dissatisfaction'. then i noticed.. hey isnt this the 'model' that happened to be a friend's friend..
then i remembered my cousin telling me that she seen her before outside a karaoke lounge, looking all la-di-da and snooty, standing in one corner while the friends were enquiring in the counter. and she (cousin) mentioned that this princess was really chubby and big-boned', round face, and all.we did wonder how she could pass as a 'model', to give her the benefit of the doubt, perhaps she didnt look like this back then.
now.. before i proceed, let me say that i have nothing against fat girls, not at all.i dont mind if anybody is tall, short, fat, aneroxic, pretty, ugly.. etc.. it doesn't concern me anyways. and people are free to look however they want, and to be able to display it however they like.
and most of all girls with round faces, i think they look cute, in a good way. i myself don't have an 'oval' face shape... at all, which had always been coined as the classic beauty for a face and i was never a size "0" either. * well.. am a size "2"*. so i dont think that it would be fair for me to criticize, unless one could pass on constructive criticism, else its better to just keep quiet.
but the statements that i made were more out of me being a detailed person as opposed to other reasons. i guess i just have a knack for being detailed and observant when it comes to certain things.. and this would be one of the example. so its not the looks that im criticizing here, its the attitude that i find hilarious. for someone who claimed to have a resemblance towards angelababy. err.. okay, whatever rocks your boat.
writing this made me realise that.. there are really all sort of people that one could find in this world. any sort of person at all that one could think of, and this person does indeed exist.
and i had always entertained the notion that characters in novels does exist (fantasy & sic-fi not included). perhaps not identical by 100% but prolly 70 or more. so i guess there's always a 'Carrie' out there in the big apple. or a beautiful yet depressed young woman named Veronika from Ljublhana, Slovenia.
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