Blonde?

     Like finally i do have a bit of time now to come back to this blog. words cant describe how mad busy my schedule has been ever since.. i was always idle and free, even when i was working previously. some office ladies really do have all the time in the world. which isnt necessary a bad thing, WELL YEA GUESS WHAT LYDIA, being busy.. this is something that you could never grasp on how it actually feels like, and looking and feeling young, with a heart free from bitterness, jealousy and vindictiveness. well its okay Lydia.. ignorance is bliss. and i really hope you are happy enough with yourself to not to do it to another person, what you did to me.
   
   which strikes me to my thoughts today, why isnt it enough just by being who we are, why do some people feel so bitter and  "lack of" about themselves or about life? I think that its okay to feel insecure at times. i have been there many times, even presently.. sometimes. but if you let it consume you long enough, it changes our thoughts, perceptions and as time goes by, slowly changes our actions. i've seen how some people, females especially.. who are just, to put it bluntly, out to the the other females. who deep down, feels extremely insecure and lonely, and unsatisfied with their life and so forth. who doesnt know how to be truly happy for another person. and when you have these feelings long enough, it eats you up.. and then soon the only happiness that you could derive from life is to watch other people live in misery.

   I once knew a former person.. "a former person".. damn i dont know what that means actually, but it kinda sounds right to me, who spends her working and non working hours constantly compairing herself with me. excuse me miss, im 24 (back then) and you are what?! 50? mid 40's Lydia? why da fuq would you wanna compare yourself to me by saying you watch cnn, while i dont, or you constantly stating to me that most pretty girls are born dumb, while the plain ones are usually successful and smart? that guys would go for women like you rather than a girl like me? i still remember the day you told me that a girl who is attractive to males in the workplace will most likely end up being a mistress to a big boss in a top management position. and then you continued the fact that i should tone down my looks by not putting any make up, cover my legs with long skirts and that my hair is too long. and when i asked why, you said that its because i have a slutty look which men might like but that many of the lady managers have been commenting on my looks. "Well, maybe its your legs they dont like, or your long hair, but for me personally, i dont mind it because its God that made you that way, but as your superior Im just telling you to tone down your looks so that the other managers wont have anything to talk about, ok? and so i said " but Lydia, you know i dont really wear make up to the office, neither do i wear mini skirts, and im sorry but are you saying that im actually a slut?" ""No, im not saying you are a slut, i know you are not a slut, but you look like one, then again its God who gave you that look, now all you can do is tone it down, and for me, drawing your eyebrows are considered as make up."

    Now im telling you, Well thank you so so much for your compliment Lydia, little did i knew that was how you viewed me, thanks a lot for being such a confidence booster, like you said, I cant do much in regards to my "God-given" looks, can I? lol. But the next day, being someone who just wants to work peacefully in the office, i wore a long dress the next day, and i started getting a few of the ankle length dresses just for office. within the next few days she started emulating me by wearing very similar pieces, even the jewelries. things that i've never seen her worn before. and she would start giving me hell after that whenever i wear something long. Errr.. Wangai... why Lydia.. why?? So what would you want me to wear this time?? If it really bothered you that much, why didnt you just stock up some clothes for me then? I'll be happy to, so long it's in my size. or perhaps you ought to have loan me some clothes, i can say that we both wear XS, tho you are more than half a meter shorter than i am. its okay, i dont mind your old clothes for the office.

   So ladies and gentlemen, this is a pure example of what feeling inferior can do to you eventually. My sincere but imperfect advice?? The only way that you can change how you feel is to change what you are from the outside first. If you dont like your nose, get a nose job. If you think you absofuckinglutely hate your small boobs. Get a boob job, or go to La Senza. If you think you fat, do a diet, if you think you are too tiny, eat Appeton weight gain.. if you think you hate your hair, dye it, cut it.. change it until it makes you look your best.  if you think you have financial problems, get a second job, dont shop and save more. for many of the women out there, if you think you are lonely, get a man.. or get a cat,  if you fail to find the former. seriously, im not discriminating here, but bottomline is.. do something that make you look good and feel good. aint it way better than spending your life away picking and bullying on the younger or fresher ones?



   If all else fails, then ask your own mother, maybe she has the answer.