cognitive dissonance?

i am stressed out.. all stressed out.. with the assignments and stuff.. i need to do this piece regarding cognitive dissonance.. and i need to pull thru and fair well in it.. fucking 15 pages.. damn.. it does not help cos i lost my motivation. and im running out of time. but deep down inside i know i will pull thru successfully.. yea.. well, cos i hav to. there ain't much choices.. and im listing out journals now for the assignment.
and once in a while i fall into this state of melancholia.. (im not sure if it's even a word, technically speaking). i just feel like a doughnut. it sounds a lil funny, come to think of it.
met him again after bout a year.. for sum funny reasons that does not quite make perfect sense to me, he has the notion that i was still into him. and had not fail to point that out to me verbally. i found that a bit ridiculous at first, at how sumone can be so .. over-confident despite various reasons. i guess its a good trait.. if we were to see things in a different perception. these illusions that we hav for ourselves regarding ourselves. i'm afraid i can't help but to judge a person as disillusioned as him. nevertheless, i didn't hav the heart to tell him that he just lost the X factor that i once thought he possessed and that i view things differently.. he just lost it. lol.
nah.. don't think that anyone would know who im talkin bout.. unless.. for a few , i guess. anyway, i just wanna do good in this assignment. hectic sem ..

of this and that....

im am feeling restless.... i actually logged to the net to search something uo just now.. but then.. i totally forgotten bout what wat i wanted to look up on. it just disappeared.. and i hav been feeling pretty restless these days. it's like i wanna be in this place, but when im here.. i wanna be there.. if im there.. i wanna be in another place.. once i got to that other place i wanna be back at where i was before i wanted to be in that other place. it's like wanting to be outside when im at home, but once im out, i would prefer to stay in my own room.. i wonder hav you guys ever felt that way often..
i often told my cousin D that i often feel misunderstood, like a misunderstood being.. and she often says the reason why i always feels misunderstood is because i don't often state myself clearly. that i tend to be vague and contradicting at times.. and i am wondering whether its true, or am i just misunderstood this time again.
exam coming this week, and then .. there's the god damn fucking assignments.. im starting to feel pretty agitated.. but everyone in my class is gonna go thru it too.. so there's really nothing to complain about.. yea..
and she was goin thru sum cases of low self-esteem lately.. but she is good now, i wonder when will it start again.. as she would often plunge into it once in a while... self esteem issues aren't my issues these days anymore, i hav no qualms with it.. thats like.. one of the last things on my mind.. well, except for the 'fat' issue.. i still think i need to lose weight.. altho i had lost sum already recently.. 5 feet 5 = 51 kg. so tell me.. is that fat? if i were to ask me, i would say.. certainly not.. but just not thin enuff, the reality is. so im gonna study more.. eat less these days.. and sleep more.. sometimes the lack of sleep can really screw things up and makes u bitchy, even tho u may not be a bitch.. and the effects of sleeping overboard can make u feel lazy.. i'ved been feeling pretty lazy and unmotivated today and yesterday.. it was the effect of oversleeping due to the results of lack of sleep. it's just like a vicious cycle.. so what am i goin thru now? i still feel scattered, restless and lazy.. damn. but i certainly don't think that im talking nonsense rite now. just being random.. come to think of it.. this is one of the most random post that i'ved posted.. more randomness to come next time i guess..
im so gonna go spend that 20% topshop bday voucher tomoro.. after i had done my revisions.. i'll be dead if i don't do well in it.
yay.. finally gotten my imported amy winehouse cd yesterday.. im a big fan of hers.. heart her. not many gets her type of genre tho. especially her style. darn.. im random-ing again ..

untitled again

i went thru frenster and kinda scroll thru my old blog in frenster and realised that i tend to write better few years ago, compared to the present.. at least i thought so.. words and vocab seemed to flow more naturally then.. perhaps i had been reading a lot in the past.. and much less now.. cos i was 18 then, and 21 now, so surely, i otta hav improved tremendously rite?

http://krys87.blog.friendster.com/

or perhaps it was much or less the same.. nah.. sumhow the vibe's different.. it was a lot more moodier then.. full of teenage angst.. okay.. maybe not a lot.. but a bit..
anyway, mid term is coming very soon, time to brush up... gotta start my revision real soon, before its too late.. gotta cut off my slacker mode.. gotta go for tute tomorow, since i missed today's tute and classes.. gotta Gambateh!!!!!!!!!! growing up may be fun.. but along with it comes new sets of responsibility and expectations from people and from myself.. but of course, growing up also means excitements in every aspect of life.. call me a thrill-seeker.. but to seek thrills responsibly and just blindly seeking any fun i can get is 2 diff things.. and to be able to differentiate the difference is a different question all together... as there's a thin line between the former and the latter.. afterall, fun is just fun.. thrills are just thrills in the end. any fools can have blind fun. it does not mean shit at the end of the day. just an opinion. =P

sign off,
krystal

good

yeap.. got it.. like .. seriously.. im okay, perhaps few months down the road i will laugh bout it after all..
everyone goes thru tough times, perhaps.. it ain't that tough actually, come to think of it rationally.. just part of being young and all..
anyway, been spending a lot these days.. from the stupid Beauty Expo thingy, Topshop, Alldressedup, imported cd, impulsive buys, bags, food, drinks... broke....!!!
its just that a lot has been goin thru around the past few days (this one nth to do with it), which kinda leaves me ( cos raya, nth much to do, free .. =D ) time to reflect ( in the past, gullibility was my middle name) and stuff.. aiii yaa.... i'l be fine wan la.. cos in the end, im always the one who manages to saves myself.. undeniably.