get what you want with your lucky eyes

individuality is vitally important. When people start to lose their individuality, they start to lose themselves.
- Brittany Murphy

well, what can i say.. she is my most fav person in the world from afar..
my one true idol..
there's always something about her genuineness and vulnerability that stands out from the rest of the world.. seemingly unfazed by the glitz and the glam of hollywood.
perhaps it was the highs and lows that killed her..
or perhaps her presence was just to beautiful for this world..
indeed she had always strike a cord in my heart the first time i saw her movie many years ago when i was a little gal..
who am i to judge her?

~ may your soul rest in peace..~

The Dewdrops

how does it feel having your secrets safe with you?

i have so much faith in you..
forgive me.. i may be wrong..






but i think i just fucking saved your life..







~In order to do really great things, you need to make really great mistakes..~

eleanor. nayrb

fuck i love this song.

Fine, I understand, okay with me, if that's the plan. You can take the stereo, the TV and the video, the bed the sheets and pillows, before you go. But for now, unlock the door, what are we doin' all this for? Let me make you dinner one last time, then you'll go your way, and I'll go mine.

And I won't call you baby, anymore, won't call you baby, like I did before, won't call you baby, anymore, Eleanor. You left your smell, you left your taste, you left me here with my mistakes. And I can't relate to what you say I've done, but just for you, I'll bite my tongue.

And I won't call you baby, anymore, won't call you baby, like I did before, won't call you baby, anymore, Eleanor. Eleanor I miss you, Eleanor be well, Eleanor I wish you'd release me from your spell.

* i muse at myself now looking back, calling myself eleanor when i was a little girl, way before this song.. weird. i wasn't contented with krystal. back then.

fuck adam cohen is so hottttt!!!!!!!!!!!! i wanna marry him. wake up* blink blink*

~ ur moving way too fast at the wrong lane.. but i wouldn't mind if ur at the rite way..~

the journey

i will just go with the flow.. and the answers will provide itself when the right time comes..
i guess this is just inevitable. and see what happen next. =)

of course, everything will be alright..




~and i promise you, im doing the best i can.. now don't fool yourself, into thinking you're more than you are..~

tres flores

well.. look what we've got here.. it came just in time..

we both know what it is.. XD

oh what big dream it has..

i would say
you are the most welcome..

mon cherie

everything will be alrite. i think i can do this. one of the few reasons that keeps me goin strong.









~in my eyes you are still you ~

lucky you

its scary sometimes to be left in the dark... but i guess there is comfort in darkness.
this is the time where i choose not to succumb..
sometimes i just sleep so comfortably.. together with my secrets held tight.
looking back, I've learnt a great deal.. but they will keep coming.. the learning never stops.
till the day im dead.

soon enough

things don't seem so far away after all..
happiness is attainable..
i believe something good will happen soon..

the voyage

okay.. so i went to hk around the 20 sth of august for a 5 days trip. its was really fun. managed to get to a few places like Central, Causeway Bay (fav), Fortress hill ( private resident area and serviced apartment), North Point, Yau Ma Tei and we stayed in a hotel called Park Hotel in Tsim Sha Tsui ( highest concentration of hotels and major tourist area), managed to go to ladies street and temple street too. the shopping alone was really fun. it could be better if i had more moolah to spend. Stationed at Tsim Sha Tsui and i remember the first meal i ate. Pork chop rice with soup. Not bad. Better than any pork chop rice in M'sia. They really serve excellent authentic Korean cuisine at Tsim Sha Tsui. Better than M'sia too i would say. The dim sum there is heaven. A far cry from M'sia. Then on our 3rd day we went to this small italian restaurant called 789 Unit & Co in Times Square. The food there was really good. Better than most of the Italian restaurants in Malaysia i would say. But rather pricey tho. and then there was this cafe called the Italian Tomato cafe. which sells one of the best cake in the world. managed to try the cheesecake. there are really no cheesecake like that in M'sia, like seriously. it even put the ones in secret recipe to shame. lolz. i know, it's not that im putting my own country down, im just comparing as a matter of factly.

my pork chop rice. day 1.


My salad.. forgotten the fancy names. (the names were really fancy but forgettable)


my penne and scallop risotto. again, no need for fancy names.


me. ^^

my bed.
then it was shopping and food and shopping. really no sceneries or nature sight seeing done. managed to buy some really nice clothes ( but the stuff there are really not that cheap >.<) And a pair of bright fuchsia-pink leggings with stars adorned in the sides, pink satin sequined flats ;) , esprit bra. and a La Perla perfume. my fave luxe line lingerie brand. there's always something about perfumes from lingerie line that marks a subtle difference from just another ordinary branded fragrance.

with family frens in hk. they were really really warm and welcoming throughout the whole period of the visit. ^^




the ivory fluffy cheesecake. ^^

mid lunch.. :)

my hello kitty watch..

and my eau de toilette.. ^^

overall, the vacation was nicee.. and i still love Malaysia. signing off. peace out. ~~

the thing with you

I've tried to say it a thousand different ways. I've tried twisting the words inside out and doubling them back over onto themselves. I've tried coming up with words in different languages, because maybe they have words for this thing (I couldn't say what it is) that we're missing in this one. I've tried saying the same words over and over again in hopes that this time they'll mean what I want them to mean. I've tried writing it down and spelling it out and stressing each syllable across intercontinental static. I've filled up pages and pages of paper with what I'm trying to say, but never with what I mean to say. Maybe it annoyed you in the end. Maybe I should just stop.

- Loren Barnes

bandage

~ So if you can't stay, walk away slowly. Rip the plaster off bit by bit, piece by piece. Because I'd rather feel that than nothing at all. ~




links from i wrote this for you~

the marrow of the heart

~ so they say when 2 people merge together, another personality surface. this third personality becomes what they are.
even if it doesn't blend, somehow they were never the same person like they once were when each goes their separate ways.. because the third dynamics stays. ~

knock you down

~ I never thought I'd be in love like this
When I look at you my mind goes on a trip
Then you came in and knocked me on my face
Feels like I'm in a race but I already won first place

I never thought I fall for you as hard as I did
You got me thinking about our life,our house and kids
Every morning I look at you and smile
Cause boy you came around and you knocked me down ~


well, for the third line of the second verse not technically.. but it's pretty good still.. lolz.. anyway, i will be goin to hong kong this thursday for the first time. one of my very fav countries.^^
pleasantly happy at the thought.. but not really excited. ironically, the thought of being in a plane kinda excites me more.. always lurve traveling on airplane, the longer distance the better. im just worried that i don't have enough money to spend there.. lol.. my holidays are over as soon as i come back from hk.. uugghhh..

~So you gotta take the good with the bad, the happy and the sad
Or will you bring the better future then I had in the past
Cause I don't want to make the same mistakes i did
I don't wanna fall back on my face again~



fragments of lyrics by Keri Hilson~

the faith

i went to the same salon at 'the gardens' cut and dyed my hair in a tone of 'light ash blond' yesterday. well, it ain't really that blond anyway, altho the name says otherwise. no pics to prove it now.. cam went out of battery. but will do in the future. this color is just perfect for me in the meanwhile. but im definately goin darker in the future. mahogany will be just nice.
im starting to love the scent of freshly dyed hair, the scent of hair color chemical somewhat calms me. somehow the future seems more promising every time i get a whiff of my hair. that no matter what would transcend, things wouldn't get so bad. and that everything is a few shades darker in my mind when compared to the reality. sometimes your mind becomes a ball of mess. but sometimes happiness still transcend from all the disarray. perhaps this is also a form of confusion. but then again, perhaps this confusion shouldn't exist. after all, my mind is a few shades darker.

~ beneath this facade.. silently im praying.. that please let there be more than that..~

undecided

am currently enjoying my holidays.. time to unwind and relax.. :)
will be doing my hair the around the next week or so.. am pondering on which salon should i go to this time.. well, not that the previous one at The Gardens wasn't good, just that i'd been wanting to try out a new hair salon.



now that my hair is getting longer.. ahh.. been testing out my new cam these days.. and i wonder.. is it the camera or is it me, why does my nose look big in pic? ;(
somehow i was thinking perhaps it's the model of this camera.. and that with every different camera model takes pictures differently.. or does it not matter at all what model or brand it is.. it solely depends on the physical attributes of the person inside the picture.. somehow, ironically in some kinda twisted thought in my mind, i kinda wish that it wasn't the camera's fault. because if it is then it means i shouldn't hav bought this model and i would start to regret it until i buy another brand new one. which is totally ridiculous especially for no 'valid' enough reasons. "oh hey, you just bought a brand new one that u barely even used yet, why would you go and buy another one?" then i'll go "oh cos, my nose looks big wit this model, perhaps even the other models of the same brand wouldn't". i wonder whether it makes sense.. kinda not so much i guess?
so.. yea.. it's just me.. absolutely nothing to do with my camera.. or was it the angle? =.=

well, okay.. actually i really hate to admit but i do regret buying this color. ( i bought the metallic light brown one.. should hav went with my first choice and gotten the metallic blue one.. darn.. sometimes i just always tend to want the other stuff that i don't have).

perhaps i should take my mind of it already.. okayy then.. what color should i go for, for my hair? what cut should i go for? i can't make up my mind yet also .. =P

bryan lee

ohh hey.. i nearly forgotten.. happy 7th month anniversary stupid!!!!
you just always make me so so happy.. (well, for most of the time at least)

well, even tho ur not as perfect as i first thought you were...





~ i love you with all my heart.. ~

when black is not a color

it's kinda been a while ever since my last post..
life is indeed refreshing without cigs..
on a really random note.. i need a white shirt.. for obvious reasons.. no one can deny the purpose of a good crisp white shirt.
so i need to find one that is decent at the same time which doesn't burn a hole inside my already holey pocket.. XD


~ shut my eyes.. feel the color of you
time to be alone .. to find a place where i belong..~

Doubt

~Oh, how I wish you wouldn't worry so. There's hope in every breath. But when fear infects the bones, I'm told, the heart is always next. ~









links from ~ i wrote this for you~

breaking the habit

finally am having my holidays.. after two hectic months of assignments and exams. Yes.. am finally seriously am considering to quit smoking.. after starting for like.. 3 years. which is not too long.. well, if ur a smoker or were a smoker then u'll know what i mean. i'm sure seeing my bf smoke wouldn't really affect me. well unless if im out chilling and drinking, then i suppose that it would be a bit tough. especially if my willpower (yea, sometimes i get quite free-spirited, i would say) is weak at that particular moment.. i don't wanna comment too much now. fingers crossed.. and we'll see how far i can go.. :) then perhaps i'll chart down my 'smoke-free' journey here.

Oh yea.. bought this Maybelline volum'express hypercurl waterproof mascara. yea, it's not a new product but it's my first time testing it. heard a lot of rave reviews about it. pretty good for a drug store brand. but perhaps it would be one of the best mascara that i'ved ever used since Revlon Fabulash mascara some time ago. Yeap, it's really that good surprisingly. really thick volume with super easy application. better than the latest 3d extreme mascara.

au revoir xaviera

....................... im gonna get used to it right? not being able to hear your voice almost every nite before i sleep.. not being able to hear from a to z about how's your day, however mundane or boring it is ( i still enjoy listening to it).. not being able to laugh at ur funny antics and ur so-hainess.. not being able to just pick up the fon and dial up ur num everytime i feel like it. not being able to listen to you complain about occasional stupid people that ticks you off. not being able to kill time talkin to you on the fon while waiting for another call to come in ( yea, you know who..) not being able to spend as much time as we would like to. not being able to listen to all your problems and u listening to me goin on and on about mine.. which could be quite unreasonable at times i know..

i know the first three weeks without you is goin to be the hardest.. i wanna see you tomorrow if its possible.. im sure you will be able to learn loads of things there.. and while ur learning, pls don't forget about me here okay.. perhaps time will fly so quick and before i know it.. we'll be meeting each other again, and hav lotsa fun together again..

i love you. till we meet again. ( by da way, tomoro not counted laa)
promise me that you'll always feel the same for me okay.. and that we won't grow apart.
p.s: buy some things for me while ur at there okay. you still fucking owe me my birthday gift baby.

the realist

i told mr. K what happened last nite. and then he said something like this.. 'people normally doesn't show this kind of sincerity.. you watch too many movies.'
~
thats the first time i've heard people say that.. but it's true. and interesting to me. i told him that he is realistic.. which is good. he said that being realistic does not mean being successful.
i think that there is a link between them. just that realists themselves doesn't think so. thats what realists are. he said i just made something nonsensical.. sensible.
yea, due to watching too many movies. i said.

dreams water

im feeling bored.. tired and unmotivated today.. and i hav loads of assignment to pass up. the nearest due next week. and i have been having a lot of weird dreams lately, dreams of people in the pasts. there were people that were that im very okay with in real life. and there were also people that i would prefer not to associate myself with. so having said that, it were all weird to me. and i dream that there were people who were trying to pull me down. people whom i barely know and whom only reminded me of their existence in my dream . but in my dreams i was happy. reality-wise, i am happier. except for being a lil thirsty now. so i'd go downstairs now and fetch myself a glass of water.

Heartless

~ i m tired. i need a break. for the time being.

still, i can't believe that Adam did not win. fucking lost 30 bucks cos he did not win, if he did i would be 100 bucks richer. i had the rite mind to bet with mr. lee . 30 for 100. i was kinda sure i would win. i mean, what are the odds? rite?? and he knew the results way before i did. wat the heck. >.<
what the fuck is wrong with those voters? like.. seriously. i mean, even Katy Perry thinks that he should be the next idol. sure that must hav had count for something rite? well, kris isn't that bad afterall. afterall, like i've said. his rendition of heartless is classic.

on a lighter note , tonite in particular (yes, only tonite in particular) pictures of him kept flashing in my mind. his face and those features kept popping in my head. perhaps it's just one of the days where i misses him. darn.. why does he look so hot in a cap or in his working attire? (hahaha..) perhaps, it's only me and my humble opinion. perhaps i may be blinded too. hahaha.. neways, i guess it's only natural that all galfrens would feel the same way about ther boifrens, however okay or not okay they look. well, unless the boifrens looks like some fucking Quasimodo. which is rather sad, but in society norms rather rare and unlikely, because reastically speaking.. almost everyone are born rather okay looking on the average.

fucking miss you.. but it's alrite, i got used to it tho. no worries, ur just so darn lucky you don't hav a clingy girlfriend.

Acoustic

i think that adam would win, he deserved it so much more, with him with his incredibly sexy looks and being a performer for years.. but somehow i find myself anticipating kris's performance more compared to adam. and even tho, no doubt, adam is so much hotter. kris has got the most versatile voice ever.. and one of the nicest song choices. turning songs into his own the way he does it. i think that kris's rendition of 'heartless' is so very freakin amazing.perhaps.. i've a got a huge thing for acoustic. too bad that he is married. well, don't get me wrong, cos obviously it has got nothing to do with me, but i personally thinks that him being married actually would have had made him lost a few votes more from the ladies, especially. i think those fanatics would rather vote for adam even tho there's a speculation that he is gay, despite the fact that he claimed that he has got nothing to hide. i'd say they would rather take the risk, and obviously its cos of his enormous gigantic huge amount of talent in perfoming.

p.s : no, bryan.. u are so wrong,cos that song done by kris was spectacularly marvelous. i know you would ask me who won. and then i would tell u that 'heartless' was marvelous. again..

Out in the open

~we are two complete opposites in many ways yet so alike in various forms, forms that are not apparent at first glance, and not many people would get it. sometimes its these things that matters the most.. i bet even you had never thought about that before. not even in the present. ~

Good night, good night

time kinda flies fast and slow sometimes.. its kinda like its not consistent.. i bet anyone on earth would hav had that feeling before.. and skool's starting again next week. and im full of motivation. haha..
and also.. a point that i wanna state today is, im sure everyone in the past(or maybe in the future too) had done something in their life that after sometime,like when we reminisce back the things that had happened in the past, the feelings that we felt and stuff.. then we will go like "omfg, what on the fucking earth was i thinking back then, and how on earth did i got to feel that way towards certain things or a certain someone at that period?" or some sorta things like that.. was young, innocent, guilible and very much naive i guess.. i tonite in particular i am feeling 'somewhat' ( which is kinda a light word to describe it) speechless with myself.. well, not that i did anything outrageously dumb or crazy or what some years back, but its just something that gets me wondering.. the little things that we reflect on, but the stuffs that we know that we will remember it for the rest of our lives despite it being only a small part of ur life and small trivialities.. sometimes i think i just learn so much just merely for the past 2 years. and also gotten to make some very ultra random but crucial choices, much to my own pleasant surprises which lead to the present that im in now.. which is good. ;) God does works in mysterious ways..

but as i've said, like i always do.. we live and we learn.. sometimes we just hav to experience the worse in order to hav the good for the aftermath..


~ never stop learning, never stop living..~

p.s : and dreaming and dancing and loving too.. ;P

i can't think of a title rite now

okayy.. so i just am about to spend rm997 just on facials alone from The Slimming Sanctuary.. am officially broke.. somehow i envy those gals with good skin. lol. could have had save up those money and maybe use half of it for a shopping spree at 'the taman' or maybe sungai wang instead. well, i guess 98% of the gals in this world luvs to shop, just a matter of how and why. oh by da way, i saw this bra in xixili that i really want. oh well, the bra hav to wait then. life of a student on holiday. bored. *sigh* can't wait to go out for some swedish meatball with miss xaviera tomoro. .. hungry.


P.s : i miss you. am starting to feel the distance now since ur not even in Malaysia now. well, since ur missing me more, i want this week to pass real quick so that you can see me real soon. ;)

once too often, people spend a lot just to buy things they don't need, and to impress people that they don't like.. i think its just plain stupid and sad. People like these actually makes the world a better place to live in. enuff said.

Ambivalence

everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but im still thinking what i think. never in a million years would i be wrong about it. and that's all that matters.. to hell with the rest of' em who thinks otherwise..

there... i got it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the new sony cyber shot t90. Launched just a lil more than a week ago. one of the compact beauties that i ever held in my hands.. im glad i waited for a while more.. (was gonna buy the first edition of the slim T series.. t77) haha.. for i think this is one of the nicest models that sony had ever created. four super yummy colors.. well, except for the silver one. i think silver cams are Boringg. (black is even so much more better than the silver.. actually the black one looks really good in this model.) except for canon of course, silver still looks nice on them, but only on canon. which was initially my choice.
guess which one of those yummy colors that i bought?? hahaa..
but as much as i said that im happy.. the camera is still in the box for the past 3 days. hadn't really had the mood to test it yet. ironic.

love/ hate

i don't ever wanna drink again.. but ohh, how i loved to drink.. but in fact i think i can certainly do without all the booze even if im out in watever occasions.. okayy.. will only drink on my birthday and chinese new year.. basically thats all and thats it.. this decision stays. and i ain't shitting myself or anyone here..
red bulls, anyone?? =P

~ looking back.. i know i do have this love/hate relationship with booze..


"the alcoholics are only romantic in the movies.."

Blink 182

hello there..

i miss you.... seriously i do... u were playing futsal.. and i miss you..
i wanna see you soon.. in fact i feel like seeing you tomorrow.. or maybe even later.. >.<
which i know it ain't possible..
bottomline is..
i miss you tonite.. and i miss you rite now!

Stars

~ i looked into the stars when u held me
tight..
and i thought to myself..
never let me go... ~

freestyle..

okay.. and now im free of all the assignments and report finally.. and finals are coming... but meanwhile.. im free today.. really good. :)
and im gonna blog bout something today.. anything random that comes into my mind.. im planning to watch a movie later.. and oh yea.. my hair is getting longer and longer(finally).. but sumtimes i find it hard to decide on wat type of hair i should keep tho..
i think im most prolly gonna keep my hair as long as possible.. but the thing is.. i'ved always really liked the previous Rihanna hair tho ( am not a 'bob' person, except for this style, i dun mind if it goes out of style tho.. well, at least i ain't sharing it with thousand other gals outside..) but i guess the Rihanna gotta hav to wait then.. just like the bleached hair that i had always wanted..



well, wait for me the "Rihanna' ... haha..

words and stickers

well, yes.. i am in luv.. and i am adding this image for him.. just for fun..lolz..

and its been 10 days since i saw him... damn...

well, i thought it looks kinda cute..couldn't really help it but to post it here.. =P

Dreams I

~what happens when reality is better than the dreams that u dreamed..?~

~ was it because most of your dreams are nightmares... or was it because the world that you live in is full of wonderment and joy and one of the things that makes us human.. hope.. ~

Happy Birthday to my Paramour. 21st of March

Happy birthday to Mr Bryan Lee!!!!!!!!!!! xoxo

kinda sucky that i can't spend ur b day with u..

~ seems like you'll have the time of your life.. no doubt bout it.. maybe not tonite.. but on every
other days to come...~

i luv you...

thinking out loud

~ just when you thought you know, things actually are the other way round..~
~ but just when you thought that you didn't know, you realize that you knew it all by heart
afterall..~
~ so you figured out to just shut up and listen.. and think as silent as possible.. for fear that the
other could hear your thoughts..~