damage-control

Today was ok.. i immensely drenched myself in Quantitative Methods in class today. Which was kinda good. tomoro i will be having another assignment in this subject. i hope i do better in it compared to the past one. i just ended something just now,yes.. this time it's for good. which i should.. long time ago. anyhow, im sure it had ended long ago. it was just me, in the end. and this makes my self securities crumble a lil more. we are just not at the same page anymore. not even half a page. shit. that's all that i wanna say. i don't wanna talk about it anymore. i guess i'm just too vulnerable when it comes to certain things, too transparent. which.. is not always a good thing. arghhh... to hell with it. i guess some things are better left unsaid.
if you ever come across this.. yea.. 'you' .. you ought to know that i never asked of anything from you. no..nothing.. and i don't expect that you'll be good as gold. as i don't think that we will go anywhere further ever since the beginning when i first met you. and you really did not make an impact on me at all. even after i met you, i have this gut feeling not to step any further. but sometimes you just chosed to ignore your own gut feelings. which i did.
you just happen to caught me at my worst moment, the moment when i was the most uncertain with things and myself. yea.. you did had your usage, which was good in a way, i guess. as if sometimes i had a wall to lean on too, a wall made of paper, so easily teared.thin wallpaper. not good. lol. anyhow, i guess i have nothing to blame about as things weren't as simple even from the very beginning. it was just the way things are. which does not need to happen. but it did, so be it. and i realised that, perhaps you don't know me at all. and you were not what i thought you were, why do you have to assume things when you don't need to. haihz.. seriously i don't know what is it. you don't need to, get it??
Of all of the things you said, i feel rather ambivalent about you now.. i guess that is it. as a somewhat optimist, it's a blessing in disguise i supposed. there's a some other stuffs too, but those are P & C. like i'ved said, some things are better left unsaid. wonder all you like, or you could be as ambiguous as u were. like u had always been.


~ here's to all the pretty words
we'll never speak,
here's to all the pretty girls
you're gonna meet.. ~
~